Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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