batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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