How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I am naked and annoyed.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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