Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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