For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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