Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
