I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
