upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
