love makes seman taste better
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
