Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Randomize
