Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
