My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
