You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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