Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
