I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
