What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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