We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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