dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
