yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
