things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
