Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
