I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
