can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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