1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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