I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
