Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
