She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So. Much. Porn.
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