Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
