Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
