I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
