party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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