so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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