You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Success! We fucked roommates!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
