i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
