So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
