I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
