Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
