I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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