I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
