That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
