There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize