You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
