i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
