i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
