ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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