Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
