he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
