I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
