Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
