I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Randomize
