Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
