She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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