Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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