Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
