I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
