are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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