Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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