Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
