You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
