another moral hangover. fuck.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
