Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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