Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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