I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize