The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
