Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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