I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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