I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
