he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
