I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
