i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
