I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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