i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
