mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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