every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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