Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
