Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
