i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
