So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
