We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
