Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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