who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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