I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
