Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
