The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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