so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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