some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my being single is dangerous.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
